More and more of us are basing our dimensions on seals then not even bothering to go swimming.
A village initiative to address the obesity crisis was yesterday marred by violence.
“People are too damn fat,” said Harold mayor Rufus D. Jackson. “And the more fat people there are the more it looks normal. Being so fat you could be melted down and used to remake all four of the Beatles is not normal.”
At the mayor’s behest Harold’s council introduced U R Fat Day encouraging villagers to be honest with each other about what they look like and how unhealthy they are.
“The council’s interfering has almost cost me my marriage,” complained villager Alex Gates. “I read the leaflet on how to approach the issue tactfully but when we were getting dressed and I mentioned that my wife might look better in that skirt if it didn’t look like she was trying to smuggle a Womble through customs by hiding it under her belt she went mad.”
“My boyfriend’s dumped me,” wailed aspiring WAG Melanie Delaney. “We were watching the World Cup and he said that he’ll be part of football history one day and I replied ‘yes, you can be Suarez’s main course with all that fat on you’. It’s not fair. I was only doing what the council told me.”
Disgruntled obese Haroldites attempted to storm the village hall to show their displeasure at U R Fat Day but most gave up as it was a bit of a walk and there’s steps leading up to the door.
